"They know what it feels like to struggle, to fall, and to rise again and use their own life experience to make a difference at Yes We Can: our Recovery Heroes. They see through the masks and quickly build trust through shared experiences. Senior Counsellor Kyra shares how her life story has become her strength and how she uses it to help our fellows move forward in their recovery."
"My own journey to recovery began later in life, I was 35 when I went to a clinic in South Africa. In the years leading up to that, I was in denial and my alcohol addiction was easy to hide. I come from a Burgundian family where a daily drink after work was simply part of life. My family could handle alcohol just fine, but for me, it was always unpredictable how it would affect me. I thought that was unfair. It was never my fault that I drank, I always blamed others: a toxic relationship, things I had experienced in the past, or my trauma."
After yet another relapse with alcohol, a miscarriage, and being evicted from her home, Kyra ended up back at her parents' house out of necessity. It was a period where self-pity also played a major role. "My parents sent me to a clinic. I didn’t want to go at all, but I didn’t have much of a choice. While I was there, I told myself I was only in for a burnout. When they asked me how I dealt with grief, I said I would drink alcohol. Even when they pointed out that this indicated I had an addiction, I remained in denial. During that first stay, I constantly compared myself to others. In my eyes, people with drug addictions were far worse off than I was. I was also incredibly manipulative. I presented myself as the model patient, while secretly breaking all the rules. I even started a new relationship, something that is strongly discouraged in early recovery."
“It was never my fault that I drank alcohol. It was because of a toxic relationship, things I had been through, or my trauma.”
After her stay in the clinic, Kyra kept telling herself that she didn’t have the same ‘illness’ as other addicts. “Because of that denial, I relapsed and hit rock bottom. My relationship didn’t survive the early stages of my recovery either. When it ended, I told myself I deserved a drink. After all, I was so miserable. I crashed hard, and within ten days I was in a worse place than ever before. In the end, that was my turning point. I finally realised that I couldn’t stop drinking and that I was just as sick as everyone else.”
Kyra returns to the clinic, this time successfully. “I followed every suggestion, because my way simply didn’t work. After that, I went to five meetings a week, stayed out of relationships, found a sponsor and focused fully on recovery and the steps. It took some time, but from that moment on, I admitted I was powerless over my addiction. I’ve now been in recovery for fifteen years.” Looking back on her past, Kyra realises that her addiction to attention was even greater than her addiction to alcohol. “I was always in a relationship because I couldn’t give myself validation. I constantly needed someone else to tell me I was fun or kind. I couldn’t give that to myself, which made me massively underestimate how much that craving for validation had a hold on me. In the end, it took me longer to become ‘clean’ from that addiction than from alcohol.”
“I finally realised that I couldn’t stop drinking and was just as sick as any other addict.”
Kyra has now been part of Yes We Can for many years and works as a Senior Counsellor at Yes We Can Youth Clinics. A place where her life story has become her strength, and where she has helped hundreds of fellows on their path to recovery. “As a counsellor, it’s important that I work on my ego. I have to stay humble and listen to others. I mustn’t think I can do it all on my own. If I start seeing myself as less addicted than the fellows we treat, then I put myself at risk of relapse. In that sense, this job plays a big role in keeping me in recovery too. I always tell fellows to speak up when something’s going on, to surround themselves with people who give them hope for the future and to ask for help. Take a moment each day to appreciate what you have. Fellows who are just arriving tend to focus on what they’ve lost, what used to be, or what they fear is coming. But be grateful for what’s here today, especially the little things you so easily take for granted.”
As someone with lived experience, Kyra plays a vital role in the treatment of fellows, because she can quite literally hold up a mirror. Something that, during her own time in treatment, turned out to be a major turning point. “I never used to take advice from outsiders seriously, because I’d think: What do they know? Or I wasn’t honest enough, because I was ashamed. ‘What will they think of me?’ When I shared my story, people would often confirm my self-pity. But those with lived experience were brutally honest. I remember talking about my abuse, and my counsellor said: ‘So many women have been raped and don’t become alcoholics.’ I thought: ‘What are you saying?’ But he was right. And somehow, I could only hear that truth from someone who had been through it themselves. When it comes from someone who’s lived it too, it’s said with both love and recognition and that makes it easier to accept being confronted with your own behaviour.”
“When I shared my story, I was often met with validation of my self-pity, whereas those with lived experience confronted me instead.”
Kyra applies that same knowledge and experience in her role as a Senior Counsellor. “I never try to place myself above anyone, but I do aim to hold up a mirror. In the first few weeks, the fellows definitely don’t think I’m the nicest person, but that’s okay. More often than not, they thank me in the final weeks of their treatment. They tell me that the confrontation was exactly what they needed. At first, they couldn’t stand me, but then they realise I was right.”
On her own path to recovery, her counsellor at the time played a crucial role. “He confronted me by telling me I wasn’t allowed to wear make-up anymore. They were all masks I was hiding behind. He said exactly the things I didn’t want to hear, but that I needed to hear. When I’d been clean for ten years, I ran into him at a conference. When he told me he was proud of me, that was the greatest gift I could have received. He was in recovery himself from a heroin addiction. I thought, if he can overcome that, then I must be able to do it too. I also had a fantastic sponsor. She was someone who told me to get a grip when I was being judgemental or running ahead of myself. Sadly, she passed away but she never relapsed, not once. Pain or no pain, she was a true recovery hero and a role model to everyone.”
When you ask Kyra what gives her the strength to stay in recovery, she is clear: “I never want to go back to the place I was in back then. I keep going to meetings, I still have a sponsor and I still start each day with ‘Just for today’. I pray every day and keep a list of things I’m grateful for. All to remind myself of what I have, rather than focusing on what I don’t. That’s something I never did when I was in active addiction. Not a single day goes by where I don’t work on my recovery.”
