For years, former fellow Deborah lived mainly for others, doing what was expected of her. In this process, she gradually lost herself. At Yes We Can, she was able to break her unhealthy patterns and rediscover what it truly means to feel happy.
Before her treatment at Yes We Can, Deborah was merely surviving. She did everything for others, completely neglecting herself. Apart from her family, she had little to no social life. Her days lacked structure, were mostly spent in bed and filled with unhealthy eating habits. “By the end, I was at such a low point, I just didn’t want to go on. I saw Yes We Can as my last resort. If this didn’t work, that was it for me.”
Before starting the treatment programme at Yes We Can, Deborah had already tried to get her life back on track through other forms of support. She moved into her own place, distanced herself from her history of bullying and relocated 200 kilometres away from her parents. But nothing changed. “When you live alone, think poorly of yourself and carry deeply unhealthy patterns, your life quickly becomes unhealthy too. I worked during the day, but in the evening I would open a bag of crisps and crawl into bed. The next day, I would go to work in the same clothes.”
Because her parents lived far away, no one in Deborah’s family truly realised how badly she was doing. “When you’re in a place where no one knows you, no one notices that you’re always indoors and never go outside. You’re not missed.” When Deborah returned to her parents’ home for a weekend and they asked if everything was okay, everything came pouring out. “I ended up at the crisis intervention service and had to move back home immediately. I wasn’t exactly easy to live with, I put a lot of pressure on everyone. My whole family was walking on eggshells and I desperately needed my own space. Eventually, we decided I should move into supported housing and from there I found my way to Yes We Can.”
“I was always focused on saying what others wanted to hear, not on what I actually needed.”
Discipline and structure play a key role in the treatment programme of Yes We Can, as personal responsibility is central to the recovery process. “I thought it was strange that some fellows relapsed into drug or alcohol use during their treatment,” Deborah shares, “Yet I was still eating a bag of crisps every single day. It took me a long time to realise that my behaviour was unhealthy and that I really needed to change. Because you're constantly being confronted with your own behaviour during the treatment, eventually something just clicks.”
That confronting mirror, a key part of the treatment at Yes We Can, wasn’t always easy for Deborah. “I had a lot of tough moments, like sharing my life story. I didn’t allow myself to feel any of the emotions and completely shut down whenever the topic came up. During the first few weeks of treatment, I didn’t shed a single tear, except on Bonding Day. Even in my one-on-one sessions, I was often silent. And when I did speak, therapists told me they couldn’t connect with me. I was always focused on saying what others wanted to hear, not on what I actually needed.”
One moment that really stuck with Deborah was when her therapist asked her to write a critical letter, a letter listing all the things she said to herself on a daily basis. “When I had to read that letter out loud to myself, it hit me. I would never get better if I kept talking to myself that way. I would never find happiness like that.”
At Yes We Can, many things surfaced that Deborah had buried deep for years. “There were so many things I had never processed. I had also never dealt with my history of being bullied, because it just felt too close, too painful. I had taught myself to always keep going, to handle everything on my own. Slowly, that pattern began to break at Yes We Can. In previous types of care, I was able to talk to people, but I never spoke about the things that really ran deep. I preferred to avoid talking about emotions.”
“My family was all I had left, so I felt I had to give it everything I had for them.”
Deborah’s life looks completely different now. She lives independently again, is studying Social Work and works 32 hours a week at a supported housing facility. She’s also discovered that life isn’t just about living up to other people’s expectations. “My family was the only thing I had left, so I felt I had to try really hard for them. After Yes We Can, I’ve learned to set boundaries and I’m no longer constantly focused on doing everything for them. I still care about what people think of me, but thanks to the fellowship, I’m learning to let go of that more and more.”
Today, Deborah is the chair of a Yes We Can Meeting, a self-help group created by and for Yes We Can fellows, offering a safe space to share challenges and celebrate successes together. In this role, she shows that recovery doesn’t mean everything has to be perfect all the time. “I still have tough moments. Recently, another fellow sent me a quote: ‘True strength is shown when you keep going through the hard days’ and that’s exactly how it feels. It gives me strength to look back at how far I have come. Since Yes We Can, there have been so many moments where I’ve felt truly happy.”
What would she tell her younger self? “The world is actually a lot safer than I thought. I used to feel unsafe in almost every situation, but in the end, there are so many kind people who genuinely want to be there for you. You don’t have to do it all on your own.” Thanks to Yes We Can, Deborah not only got to know herself, but also discovered what it means to feel connected to others. “I’m incredibly grateful to Yes We Can, because before, I didn’t really have a lot of friends. And that was partly down to me, I didn’t know how to maintain friendships. Now, I’ve met so many lovely people who’ve become true friends. That makes me really happy.”
