Review Nick

When former fellow Nick arrived at Yes We Can Youth Clinics, he had already lost hope. His life revolved around just one thing: using. Not because he wanted to, but because it seemed like the only way to switch off his thoughts and emotions. Now, several years later, he looks in the mirror every morning with pride. Not because his life is perfect, but because he’s proud of the person he has become.

Before starting treatment, Nick spent most of his time counting down to the weekend. “My life was more about surviving than living.” Beneath his addiction was a young man who had withdrawn from the world around him. He spent a great deal of time alone, struggled with social anxiety, and was convinced that people simply wouldn’t like him. The first time he used substances, that anxiety seemed to disappear. Talking to people became easier, and for the first time he felt comfortable around others. He wanted to hold on to that feeling. What started as an escape quickly became the centre of his life. “I had convinced myself that I couldn’t be social without using substances.”

Learning to face yourself

During treatment, Nick realised that his addiction wasn’t the real problem – it was a way of avoiding everything that lay beneath the surface. By talking through his past, step by step, he began to understand where his emotions came from. “I discovered everything that had happened to me. That’s allowed me to make peace with almost all of it.”

It was a confronting process. The first few weeks were particularly difficult. He shut himself off from the other fellows, became overwhelmed easily, and often didn’t know what to do with himself. “The first three weeks were really tough. Sometimes I genuinely didn’t know what to do.” Eventually, he realised that the very thing he had always avoided was what helped him move forward: opening up, allowing himself to feel his emotions, and talking about them instead of running away. Little by little, everything started to fall into place. Even the nightmares that had woken him almost every night for years gradually began to fade during treatment. For Nick, that felt like a sign that something inside him was finally beginning to change.

Recovery really begins when you return home

After treatment, Nick entered a new phase of his recovery. He moved into the sober living houses of Zero&Sano, where he continued working on his recovery while learning to live independently. It was there that he discovered just how much structure helped him.

Where his life had once been, in his own words, “a complete mess”, he gradually built new routines. Getting up on time, making his bed, keeping his room tidy, and taking responsibility for his own choices. “I make my bed every morning now. Before treatment, I’d never done that.” He also learned how to manage his money. Instead of spending impulsively, he started budgeting and planning ahead. “Now I put a few hundred euros aside every month.”

At the same time, he discovered the importance of standing on his own two feet. “I used to have a habit of putting everything onto someone else. Now I take responsibility for my own actions.” It was these everyday habits that gave him the confidence to believe he could continue building his life, one step at a time, outside the safe treatment environment of Yes We Can Youth Clinics and Zero&Sano.

Trust takes time

When Nick returned home, he realised that recovery wasn’t only something he had to work on. His mum and younger brother also needed time to adjust. They saw a different Nick come home, but trust isn’t rebuilt overnight. “For so long, I showed people the exact opposite. It’s only natural that they would wonder how long this would last.”

By making the same healthy choices, day after day, that trust slowly returned. Even after coming home, recovery remained a process of trial and error. After years away from education, Nick started a full-time course while also finding his place within the family again and adjusting to life without substances. It brought new challenges. “It hasn’t been plain sailing, and that’s okay.”

By allowing himself to make mistakes without immediately giving up, Nick has realised just how much he has changed. Where he once judged himself harshly for every setback, he now approaches things very differently. “I don’t beat myself up over every little mistake anymore. It’s okay to make mistakes.” His social anxiety hasn’t disappeared completely either. But he’s discovered that anxiety becomes smaller when you face it instead of avoiding it. By continuing to challenge himself, he found that the things which once felt impossible gradually became part of everyday life.

A message for fellows

If there’s one message Nick would like to share with fellows who are just starting their recovery, it’s this: don’t give up when things get tough. Recovery doesn’t have to be perfect. The difficult days are part of the journey. “The worst day in recovery can sometimes feel harder than the best day while using. But looking back now, I know it’s actually the other way around.” Where he once spent his life trying to escape himself, today he’s proud of the person he has become. “I can look myself in the mirror every morning. I’m proud of who I am, proud of what I stand for, and proud of the choices I make every day. For me, that’s probably the greatest achievement of all.”